Friday, April 1, 2016

Most guarded secret of Check Point is revealed

For twenty two years humanity was puzzled by the most sophisticated mystery of all times: how Stateful Inspection was actually invented? How a bunch of young guys just after army service managed to create something that brilliant in December 1993?

Today, on April 1st 2016, the secret is finally out. In their joint interview to Israeli newspaper Calcalist Gil Shwed and Shlomo Kramer have disclosed that Stateful Inspection was "borrowed" from year 2005 and is in fact tied to foundation of Palo Alto that year.

The details are not clear, but according to the Calcalist experts, secret military time warp experiment at Weizmann Institute in Israel is involved. The full scientific details are classified. All we know is that in early 1993 there was an incident causing power surge in the atomic time chamber laboratory. The next day a janitor has found a note on the lab floor saying: "It's me, Shlomo, from year 2005, tell Gil to be ready any time now".

According to anonymous source from Weizmann Institute department of physics, the surge temporarily "welded" time-space positions in year 1993 and year 2005, creating a tiny wormhole in the universe. One end lead to Gil's grandma apartment in Jerusalem, year 1993, just behind the kitchen sink. The other end was open in a closet cabinet of an office building at Santa Clara CA, year 2005. The puncture in the space-time continuum was too small to pass large physical objects, but was big enough to slip in a thumbdrive.

Gil and Shlomo confessed to a journalist that they have used that wormhole to pass, by their own words, "the hottest security technology known in 2005". In fact, they only needed to find "Gil's own-to-be patent" and send it back in time. This is how Stateful Inspection was conceived.

Later on, to close the time-and-space loop, Shlomo had to drop out of Check Point together with Nir Zuk. Their mission was to fund a dummy IT company and buy that office space in Santa Clara to be able to pass the message back. Although the whole operation was done in secret, Nir almost slipped in his interview in 2008 hinting that he in fact was responsible for inventing of the modern FW.

One more hint we all have for years but never understood was that PAN term "NGFW" - Next Generation Firewall - was actually borrowed from  Check Point own VPN-1 NG , released in year 2001.

More details to follow in a year from, both founder fathers promised to Calcalist.


Blog author footnote: Okay, okay, I got it. Gil in early 1993 receives his patent record from 2005, writes it down and files a patent application in December 1993. I only have one question. Who invented Stateful Inspection, considering?


UPDATE: April fool, dudes :-)

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